In the midst of war lies love
by Gabygou
Summary: The Reapers finally arrived and humanity was everything but ready for them. As the war finally starts and tension and expectations rise, Sierra Shepard has to save the galaxy and bring people together. But she has to deal with matters of the heart as well. Will she be able to forgive Kaidan for what he did on Horizon? And if so, will they survive the war to have a future together?
1. Beginning of the end

When the Normandy finally left Earth's orbit, Shepard let out a breath she felt she'd been holding since she saw the Reapers arrive on Earth. They were finally here and there was nothing she could do about it. She was just one person. They were far from ready to defend themselves against the Reapers. The fleet that was protecting Earth had been decimated in a matter of minutes.

Shepard kept staring at the giant cargo bay doors. She didn't know what to do. For the first time in her life, she had no idea on what course of action to take. She had witnessed a lot of civilians being shot and blown up by the Reapers, and that little boy... he didn't deserve that. None of them did. She was used of seeing people die, but this was different. This was her homeworld, her people that were getting slaughtered. There was no way she would let those machines win. And that thought was all she needed to get her head back in the game.

Kaidan had helped her get on the Normandy when they escaped. How he ended up on the ship was beyond her understanding, but right now she was too frustrated to think about that. All she wanted to do was to kill something. That's when she heard footsteps coming from behind her. _Oh great, what now? _she thought.

″Hey.‟ a voice said. Shepard could have recognized that voice anywhere. It felt good to see Kaidan again, but after all the things that happened, she wanted to be as far away from him and everything else as she possibly could.

She couldn't hold it inside her anymore... She slowly turned around to face him and said "Really? That's all you got to say? _Hey_?!‟ Kaidan was confused. He didn't know what she was talking about. He just looked at her, puzzled."Seriously?!‟ she asked, infuriated.

"Shepard, I don't...‟

"Argh, for crying out loud...‟ That was it. Her patience was gone. She grabbed him by the wrist and shoved him somewhere behind the Kodiak, so no one could see or hear them. James looked at them, or more specifically at Alenko. He didn't like what was he was seeing and stared at Kaidan suspiciously until he lost sight of him.

Shepard threw her arms in the air, exasperated. After a long silent moment, she sighed loudly and said ″First, you call me a traitor and tell me that I betrayed you and everyone else, even my own principles! Then, you send me a letter telling me that you're sorry? You couldn't even say that to my face!‟ As she kept talking, Kaidan bowed his head, ashamed for all the things he had done to her. He didn't mean what he had said, except for the part that he loved her... and he still did. But when he saw how much it had affected her, how broken she was, he just couldn't look at her.

After she finished, he said, still looking at the ground ″Look, I'm really sorry for how it turned out on Horizon...‟

She scoffed, cutting him off ″Yeah, that makes two of us.‟

He desperately tried to explain himself for his behavior. ″It's just... I've spent two years mourning you, thinking about you. I couldn't accept the fact that you were gone and it tore me apart to do so. I kept seeing your face every time I closed my eyes. I kept reliving that night before Ilos every time I went to sleep... when I wasable to sleep. I just couldn't let you go.‟

″Really? I don't think that's what that 'doctor on the Citadel' would say.‟ This time, there was no anger or exasperation in her voice. There was only sadness. She still had difficulty accepting the fact that he might have replaced her, but she died after all. So it was kind of normal that he moved on, but it was still hard for her to accept it. ″I already told you: it was nothing serious.‟ he said slowly.

″Then why did you fucking mention her?!‟ Aaaaand, there was the anger again. Kaidan was taken aback by her expression. She rarely swore. She did so only when she was alone, or in this case, if she was really _really _pissed.

For the first time since the beginning of their conversation, Kaidan had nothing to say. She was right. Why did he have to mention her? To make sure Shepard wouldn't be surprised if she saw her being a bit too friendly with him? Or to make her jealous? Still, he shouldn't have done that. There was no good enough reason for what he did.

Shepard now had her back facing him. She sighed once again, not caring to look at him and the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. He wanted to see if perhaps she was crying as well, if that was why she wasn't facing him. ″Shepard, please, talk to me.‟ He grabbed her wrist to make her turn around, but she shrugged him off and told him, looking directly in his eyes. ″Oh now? Now you want to hear me out?! Well that's a first! I mean, you didn't seem to care about how _I _felt on Horizon. All you cared about was _your _feelings and how much _you_ felt betrayed. How do you think it felt to lose two years of my life in what seemed like minutes? How do you think it felt to _die_?‟

She was really good at making him feel bad, wasn't she? Though he did know, at least a little, what it was like to die. When Shepard past away, a part of him died with her and his life felt empty without her, like it wasn't worth living anymore. All he wanted was to be with her, but he couldn't and that was the hardest part of all.

He was about to say something, but Shepard rose her hand and cut him off. ″Look. I got more important stuff to worry about right now, like saving a galaxy perhaps? So if you _really _want to finish this conversation, we'll talk later, but right now, I gotta go.‟ With that being said, she walked out of their hiding place and walked toward the elevator. When James saw her, he asked her if she was ok. He could see how hard she was trying to keep her composure as a single tear escaped from her eye. She simply answered ″Yeah, I'm just great.‟ and kept walking.

James looked at her, concerned and turned around to see Alenko staring at him, his eyes red and puffy.

Shepard wiped the tear away and climbed in the elevator. As the doors were about to close, a hand blocked them. Kaidan got in the elevator with her. As it slowly ascended to her cabin, he finally said ″I can't believe it.‟

″What is it now?‟ she asked, her arms crossed on her chest, not even caring to look at him.

″You... and him?‟ He had difficulty saying the last two words.

Now _she _couldn't believe it. What did he just say? ″Excuse me?‟ she asked. This time, she was the one that didn't understand the question. ″Come on, don't lie to me. I saw the way he looked at you. There's obviously _something _between you two!‟ He was trying to stay calm and not to show any jealousy or pain, even though he was feeling both, but failed completely.

″For your information, _Major_ _Alenko_, even if it's none of your business, there is _nothing _between James and me. He's a friend, that's all. He's just concerned for me, because that's what friends do: take care of each other. Not that you would know...‟ That last sentence broke his heart into millions of little pieces. He felt as if a krogan just charged him in the stomach and crushed his heart. ″Why not? It's not like anything's stopping you.‟ He regretted saying those words the moment they left his mouth. _He did _not_ just say that._ Shepard thought.

As the doors of the elevator opened, she placed herself between the door and Kaidan and looked at him for the first time since he got in the elevator. She was about to yell at him, but when she saw his eyes and the tears running down his cheeks, her expression softened and her anger dissipated. ″You want to know what's stopping me, Kaidan? You are. I thought you would have figured that out by now.‟

She looked at him one last time then turned around and left him alone in the dark elevator before he could see the tears threatening to fall from her eyes.


	2. Elevator talk

Kaidan pressed the button to get to the Cargo Bay. _'You want to know what's stopping me, Kaidan? You are.'_ She wouldn't have said that if she didn't care about him anymore, would she? The doors to the elevator opened to reveal the Cargo Bay and a large man obviously waiting for the elevator. Lieutenant James Vega, the newest addition to the crew, climbed in the elevator with the Major. _'There is nothing between James and me.'_ James slowly reached for the button to get to the third floor and pressed it. Kaidan came back to reality when the doors of the elevator closed. The younger man asked "You must be Major Alenko." Kaidan nodded but didn't answer, not wanting anyone to see him this miserable. James patiently waited for the elevator to start its ascension then smashed the 'Stop' button. He quickly turned toward Kaidan and tackled him on the far wall, his forearm resting on his neck.

James was taller and bigger than Kaidan and he could feel the sheer strength of the young marine. He immediately knew that trying to break free would be pointless. So he simply stared at the muscular man, trying to know what he wanted. When they finally stopped measuring each other up, James said "You listen to me, _pendejo_ and you listen good, 'cause I'm not going to repeat myself." He looked at Kaidan intensely, making sure he had his full attention. "The Commander has more important things to worry about than your little feelings. So either you sort out whatever problem you have with the Commander or you leave her alone. Got it?"

Kaidan didn't answer. He kept looking at the young man in front of him, trying to figure out why he would meddle in his affairs. "Why would you care?" Kaidan asked. He had more and more difficulty breathing as James kept pressure on his neck. "Because I'm here to protect the Commander. Anderson ordered me to make sure Shepard is at the top of her game and with you in the picture, I don't know if I have to protect her from you too." After a couple of unending seconds, James finally released Kaidan and reactivated the elevator. The doors opened and Kaidan was about to exit when James blocked his path with his arm. Kaidan looked at him, waiting for James to say something. "Get your shit straight." James simply said. He lowered his arm and let the Major leave.

Feeling a headache coming, Kaidan made his way to the Observation Deck, where darkness and silence were awaiting him. _I'll go to the Cargo Bay later. I got to talk to Shepard._ he thought. He sent a message to Joker, telling him he wanted to talk to Shepard immediately. Like it or not, James was right. She had more important things to worry about, so the sooner he could get some answers, the easier it would be for everybody.


	3. Revelation

A/N: I just want to warn you guys about the incoming fluff in this chapter. X)  
Thank you for everyone who read my first two chapters. Hopefully it means you like it, or at least find it interesting enough to keep reading.

Read and review as always! It makes my day.

Mass Effect belongs to Bioware.

* * *

"Joker! Admiral Hackett wants us to go to Mars immediately, so get us there ASAP."

"Aye aye, Commander." said the pilot. Shepard sat on the chair in front of her desk and started reading important reports on her datapad. She was taken aback when she noticed that casualty reports were already available. Everything happened so quickly. Shepard thought she would have had more time after destroying the Mass Relay in the Bahak System. And the Council. How could they be so blind? Shepard promised herself that the next time she saw them, she would tell them "I told you so!" She will tell them how silly they were to ignore the threat and her warnings. Before she could think of something else, Shepard got interrupted in her train of thoughts by her pilot.

"Uh, Commander?"

"What is it Joker?"

"Kaid—I mean, Major Alenko would like to talk to you in the Observation Deck. He says it's urgent."

Shepard sighed loudly. _Can't he leave me alone for five minutes?_ "Alright. Tell him I'm coming." She ungracefully put her datapad on her desk, stood up and made her way to the elevator. After she entered it, she pressed - or more likely punched the button to get to the third floor. During the descent, she kept saying to herself "Calm down, Shep. Patience is a virtue." After their little conversation in the Cargo Bay, Shepard felt really bad for all the things she had said. When she imagined herself talking about what had happened on Horizon with Kaidan, she never, not even _once_, imagined herself talking to him like that.

Pushing it all aside in her mind like she always did, she exited the elevator and walked to the Observation Deck. She entered the room and found him sitting on the couch, looking at the stars. "What do you want." she asked angrily.

He slowly stood up and turned around to look at her in the eyes. "What happened to you?" he asked simply. "You're not the Shepard I remember." Feeling her anger rise up again, she fought it and tried as hard as she could to remain calm. _He doesn't understand. How could he? He wasn't there. He didn't see. _She kept silent for a few seconds to let her anger cool down. When it finally did, she said quietly "A _lot_ of things happened to me Kaidan. First of all, I died. It's not something you forget very easily, trust me." All of her anger had dissipated when she started to explain. He needed to know. Of all the people she knew, Kaidan was the one who most deserved to know the truth.

"Then I woke up, two years later, in a burning space station, alone, with none of my friends around." Kaidan felt the pain in her voice and started to understand why she was acting this way. She started to build up her walls again. Those same walls he slowly peeled away back on the SR-1. She was trying to keep everybody at arm's reach. Even her closest friends. Even him. "Then I had to work with the one organization that I hate the most in this entire galaxy. And, not only did I have to work with them, I had to work with _their_ people. Then... there was Horizon." She stopped talking as she remembered that day perfectly in her head. The confusion, the fear of Kaidan being captured or dead, the relief, the hug, the anger, the tears that were threatening to come out, then the goodbye.

"After that, I buried myself in work and reports and just kept fighting. Killing mercs here, helping people there. But none of that could have prepared me for what I saw on the Collector base." What the Collectors did to those colonists was monstrous. She'd never seen anything like it before. She thought that throughout her numerous years in the military she saw it all. But the Collector base was a painful reminder that everything in this galaxy evolves, even the different ways to kill people.

Shepard tried as hard as she could to remain calm and passive, but Kaidan knew her better than anyone. By the way her eyes seemed to darken as she recalled the events in her head, he knew that whatever happened on that base scarred her permanently.

Kaidan hesitated. He wanted to take her in his arms, hating to see her in that condition, but at the same time he was afraid that she might snap back at him like she did in the Cargo Bay. But his heart took the better of him and he slowly approached her and when his face was merely inches away from hers, he took her in his arms and hugged her as hard as he could, as if he could take some of her pain with him. To his relief, she didn't push him away, but she didn't hug him back either. After a few minutes, he pulled back and looked at her and saw tears sliding down her cheeks. He gently wiped them away with his thumb.

She avoided his gaze. She didn't want him to see her like that. But that was why she loved him so much. With Kaidan, she wasn't scared of being judged. She could open up to him and tell him everything. Would it be that bad to let him see her being... human? She saved him from his past. Maybe it was time for him to help her deal with hers.

Kaidan grabbed her chin and lifted her head so she could look at him. When she finally looked into his eyes, she saw nothing but comprehension and understanding, with a hint of love. Shepard inhaled deeply and reluctantly pulled away from his welcoming arms. She never talked about what happened on the Collector base to anyone - with anyone who didn't already know anyway. Her crew back then knew that Shepard didn't want to talk about it, especially about what happened to those colonists. Shepard agreed with Dr. Chackwas when she told her that she didn't wish this for anyone, not even her greatest enemies.

So, Shepard mustered her courage and explained what happened. "They… they liquefied people, Kaidan. They turned the colonists into grey matter and used it to create a Reaper." Kaidan was expecting something horrific, but not as monstrous as that. He could imagine the faces of the colonists in his mind. Sam, Lilith. All of them. Being used as resources to create a Reaper. Now he understood. He understood where Shepard's anger and coldness were coming from.

She had to keep a strong face for everyone's sake, while deep inside she was feeling a turmoil of emotions. Guilt, pain, regret, grief. She was supposed to help those people, to protect them against the evil that was out there. But every time she got involved in something, someone around her died. She couldn't take it anymore. How could she lead an entire galaxy in war when she couldn't even protect the ones around her?

"I still see her face when I sleep." she quietly admitted. She couldn't keep her pain hidden any longer. She hugged Kaidan as hard as she could, as if her life depended on it, and finally let go. How did she make it this far without him? She silently sobbed in his arms. For the first time since the beginning of this war, she admitted to herself that she needed him. He was her strength, her hope and most importantly, her reason to fight. Never will she make the mistake of letting him go ever again.


	4. Acting like a family

A/N: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who read and are following this story. You guys are awsome! :)  
Unfortunately, it will take quite a while before I can post the other chapters. I'm currently head deep in midterms projetcs and exams, but I'll do my best to post the next chapters as soon as I can.

Read and review! That review button is craving for some attention. ;)

Mass Effect belongs to Bioware.

* * *

Shepard paced back and forth in her quarters. Mars had been a complete disaster. Liara might call it a success due to the fact that they recovered very valuable intel on how to defeat the Reapers, but Cerberus managed to retrieve some of it before they could. So not only did the most important piece of the puzzle was missing, Kaidan had been badly wounded. Shepard didn't even know if he was going to make it. She visited him in the hospital. The doctors told her that they were optimistic, but Shepard wasn't feeling that way these days. She talked to him, even though he was still unconscious. She told him what she wanted to tell him for so long. She needed him. No matter how strong or confident she always seems, she couldn't win this war without him. If he died, there would be no more hope for her.

She never thought about her future after her military life before she met Kaidan. She always told herself that she would keep fighting until she died on the battlefield. She never imagined herself doing anything else. She grew on space stations, following her parents as they were reposted on different ships. "_It's in my blood."_ she always told herself.

But when she met Kaidan, she started to think about what her life could be afterwards. And now, it was all she was fighting for. A future with the man she loves. But if that future had to be without him, there was no point in fighting anymore. He was the most important thing that had ever happened to her in her life. So as long as he was still breathing, she would keep fighting as hard as she could to grant a future if not for her, at least for him.

Shepard was still pacing in her quarters when she saw her terminal lighting up. Someone was trying to contact her. _Well, this is new._ Nobody ever contacted her. People send her messages, sure, but they never talk to her directly. If it was Hackett or Anderson, Joker would have warned her, so it wasn't them. Who could it be?

Shepard sat on her chair and opened the link. She was surprised to see her mother's face on the screen. Relief spread through them both as they saw each other, safe and sound. They rarely talked to each other, so this had to be important.

"Hi mom."

"Thank god you're ok. I didn't know if you made it out. We can't contact anybody. I tried to contact you several times, but it didn't work." Shepard could obviously see that her mother was telling her the truth. Ever since her father died, Shepard lost contact with her mom. When they talked, it always ended the same way. Hanna would tell her daughter that she was proud of her and asked her to be careful. But this was another sort of call. Shepard could clearly see it in her mother's eyes.

"So, how are you doing?" the older woman asked.

"How do you think I'm doing? The Reapers finally showed up and nobody was prepared. Our fleets were decimated. Millions of people died and now I have the weight of the entire galaxy on my shoulders, again." Shepard never talked about how she truly felt with her mother. She always stated facts. She never talked about her feelings. They were both military, so they were always professional when they talked. But her mother didn't want facts. It might be her last chance to talk to her daughter, so this time, she wanted to be there for her.

Shepard decided that it might be time for them to stop acting like soldiers and to start acting like a family. So, she looked at her mother, who was patiently waiting for her answer, and said "I'm not good at all, actually." She explained what happened on Mars and what happened to Kaidan. She could feel her mother's gaze on her through the screen, but she didn't say anything. She simply listened. When Shepard was done, she didn't know what to say. She could see how affected her daughter was. She chose her words carefully and said "I'm certain the Major is going to pull through this. He cares so much about you. Love… love can make you do powerful things. He's going to fight with all his strength to find his way back to you."

Shepard looked up and watched her mother, puzzled, but at the same time intrigued by what she just heard. "How… how do you know that?"

Knowing that she was talking about Kaidan's love for her, her mother continued "We met at your… funeral. I could see it in his eyes, just like I see it in yours right now. He loved you Sierra, so much. And I'm sure he still does. He was trying so hard to not show any emotions. When he came to me and said his condolences, I could hear the pain in his voice." Hanna stopped explaining for a moment, feeling the heartache of that day coming back. She looked in Shepard's eyes, seeing the desperation that inhabited them.

"No matter what happens, he will always be there with you." She knew that this wouldn't appease her daughter, but she wanted to tell her the truth. She could see the tears that were threatening to spill in Shepard's eyes.

With a shaky voice, she said to her mother "If… if he doesn't make it, I don't know what I'm going to do. He's the only reason I'm fighting this war. Without him, there's no more hope for me…"

Hanna stopped her abruptly and told her daughter, with a new determination that could only be found in their family "Don't you dare talk like that young lady. You hear me?" Shepard looked back at her, taken aback by her mother's sudden change of tone. But deep inside, she knew she was right. She couldn't afford to think like that. Everyone's lives rest on her shoulders, including Kaidan's and she couldn't let them down.

Shepard nodded and was about to say something when Joker interrupted their conversation. "Sorry to interrupt this little family reunion Commander, but we're five minutes from reaching Manea." Hanna knew that this part of the galaxy was already invaded by the Reapers, but she also knew that her daughter could surmount any obstacles. And when she looked at her now, she saw the fire and the confidence of the great Commander Shepard return.

"Sorry mom. I gotta go. Looks like the galaxy needs to be saved again." Hanna couldn't stop the smile creeping on her face. She said goodbye to her daughter, told her she was proud of her and to be careful and closed the feed.

Hanna smiled to herself. No matter what happened, she knew the galaxy was in good hands.


	5. Promise

**A/N: Hello everyone! I'm sorry for the long wait. I had a lot of stuff on my plate the last couple of days.**

**So... I don't really know what to say about this chapter honestly. My muse wouldn't show itself when I wrote this. I'm not too happy about this chapter thruth be told. It could be a lot better, but I just wanted to get it out of my system and then work on the other chapters. This is my first try at writing in first perspective, so let me know if it works, or not.**

**I'll try to upload the chapters every two weeks. I know it's long, but I want my chapters to be good (or at least better than this chapter). **

**And by the way, a big thank you to everyone who is following this story. You guys are awesome! :)**

**Read and review! Comments are always welcome. And since no one proof-read this story, let me know if you see any mistakes.**

**Mass Effect and it's awesome characters belong to Bioware. Lucky them. :( **

* * *

Commander Shepard, First Human Spectre, Savior of the Citadel and Slayer of the Collectors, didn't get nervous very easily. This time though, it was different. She had been dreading this moment ever since she received that message from Kaidan telling her that he was awake and well.

She wanted to see him of course. All she wanted was to see those gorgeous brown eyes looking at her and hear his husky voice again, but she also feared that he would still be suspicious about her. They had… talked about their relationship before they headed to Mars, but once they got there, she could feel Kaidan's gaze on her the entire time, fearing that she might know something about why Cerberus was there. _After everything I told him in the Observation Bay he still has doubts about me. Great!_ That was all she kept thinking about on Mars.

That was until Kaidan almost died.

Even now, standing in front of his hospital room, she could recall the events of that day perfectly in her head.

* * *

_"Nice job James!" I didn't mean it at all. "Instead of letting her get away, just crash our brand new shuttle in the other one! Brilliant plan! I should recommend you for a medal. I'm sure the brass will be real impressed by your uncanny courage and determination." He rolls his eyes at me. He finds this funny, I can tell. At least no one got hurt._

_Wait. What's happening? I hear something._

_Fighting. I hear people fighting. I take out my pistol and round the shuttle to see Kaidan being lifted up in the air. That… thing we previously thought to be a person, is grabbing Kaidan by the helmet with one hand._

_"Let him go." I tell the machine. She looks at me and then puts her other hand to her ear. I don't know who she's talking to, but if I had to bet I'd probably say the Illusive Man. I can't hear what she says, but I can feel it in my gut that something horrible is going to happen._

_Then, she turns around, Kaidan still trapped in her grasp, and bashes him, _hard_, on the exterior of the downed Cerberus shuttle. _

_I can feel my blood run cold. My heart sinks to my feet and I can feel my throat go dry._

_No. This can't be happening. After everything I told him, he can't just leave me like that._

_Now, I feel an insurmountable amount of anger fill my whole body. I see the synthetic in front of me turn around and face me. But the only thing I have in mind right now is Kaidan._

_She will pay for what she's done._

_She rushes toward me and I wait for her to get closer. Then, as adrenaline course through my veins, I run toward her like she does and let out a fierce cry. I duck my head under her outstretched arm and tackle her to the ground. As she tries to grab me by the throat, I hold her hands still and I active my omni-blade and slice her hands with it, those same hands that grabbed Kaidan earlier. After, I take my pistol and shoot that bitch in the head until my weapon overheats from lack of ammunition. Satisfied, I stand up, and that's when my blood turns from boiling hot to freezing cold._

_"No. No no no." I rush to Kaidan and throw my now useless pistol to the ground. Meanwhile, I tell James to bring the robot with us onboard. I don't know how I manage to even say anything to him. My voice sounds hollow and far away. I don't care. The only thing that matters is Kaidan._

_I try to inspect his wounds, but can't see much because of his helmet. I silently pray to whatever god out there to let me see his smile one more time._

_"Kaidan? Please Kaidan, open your eyes." My voice sounds hoarse and it itches in my throat. I keep begging him to open his eyes, but nothing happens._

_I already fear the worst. _

_I gently lift him up and put him on my shoulders and make my way to the Normandy._

_I bitterly remember, as I carry him, that I did the same thing more than three years ago when we were leaving Virmire. Only back then Kaidan kept whining and asking me to put him down, telling me he was fine._

_Now, I don't even know if he's still breathing._

* * *

Shepard took a deep breath and stepped forward, ready to face Kaidan and the conversation that will surely follow.

His room looked the same as last time. There was the same view of the Presidium, the same bed, the same covers, the same too bright white paint. The only thing that was different this time was Kaidan. He was awake. As Liara would probably say: Thank the Goddess.

There was only one machine hooked up to him now. _That's good._ His skin looked a lot darker and most importantly, his eyes were full of life again.

At the sound of the doors opening, Kaidan turned his head around to see who just came in. He inhaled suddenly at the sight of Shepard standing there, looking at him. She looked… nervous. She just stood there in the doorway, like she didn't know if she should come in or not.

After a while in total silence, Kaidan spoke. "Hey Shepard. Thanks for coming. I really appreciate it."

Feeling reassured by his words, Shepard stepped forward and stood beside his bed. She was close, but not close enough for any physical contact to be made. She wanted to talk to him about him doubting her, but she knew she would lose her resolve if he took her hands in his or something.

She looked at him and finally spoke. "Sure, no problem. I'm just glad to see you're going to be okay." She looked at her feet then. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. I wanted to be there, but we were on Manea. I know how tough it can be to wake up and realize you're alone."

She risked a look at him, expecting to see pain or anger directed at her. Instead, she saw nothing but comprehension in his eyes.

"Don't worry about it," Kaidan answered truthfully. "You have bigger things to worry about than my feelings."

Shepard winced at his words. _So much for him not being mad._

Noticing her reaction, he quickly added "I mean, it's not just about you or me. It's about everyone else in the galaxy. They take priority." Kaidan shot her a shy smile. "But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad you took the time to come check up on me while I was unconscious."

Shepard snapped her eyes back at him. "How do you know that?"

"The nurse." Kaidan said, as if it would answer all her questions.

Feeling the tension dissolve, at least a little, Shepard took a stool and put it beside his bed and sat. _Maybe this conversation won't be so bad after all._

She took a deep breath and put her hands on his bed and clasped them together. She didn't look at him, but she could feel his eyes on her.

Never in her life has she thought that one day, _Kaidan_, of all people, would make her feel nervous. Before, back on the Normandy SR-1, she was the one making him nervous. He would smile shyly and avert his eyes when he saw her looking at him. He would put his foot in his mouth when talking to her. He was very awkward at first and would trip over his own words. But, as their relationship grew, he became more confident and wasn't scared to admit how he felt toward her. Now, Shepard felt just like Kaidan had in the beginning.

Kaidan felt her tense and decided to do something. _More like something stupid._ he thought. He put his hand on hers and lifted her chin with the other so she could look at him. He wanted to see her face, her _eyes_, when he said what he wanted to say. "I'm sorry I mistrusted you again, Shepard. I understood, after I heard you talk to the Illusive Man on Mars, how much you despise him. It mustn't have been easy for you to work _with _him."

He emphasized on the word to make her understand that he got it. She didn't work _for_ Cerberus. She worked _with_ them. She was Alliance through and through. There's no way she would have worked with them just for the hell of it. She did so because she didn't have any other choice. He just wished he would have realized that on Horizon, before he walked away from her.

"Look Kaidan, it's okay. You don't have to say anything."

"No, I do. I regretted walking away from you on Horizon the moment I turned around. I was just too damned stubborn to admit that I was wrong."

Shepard chuckled slightly. "I told you you're stubborn."

He laughed as well, remembering what she told him on Mars. It has been so long since he saw her smile like that and it made feel special to be a part of the few people that got to see this side of her; the more vulnerable and human part of her.

He smiled back and said "I guess some things never change, huh?"

"Maybe. But some things change as well. Sometimes for the better." She looked at him. They had both changed over the past couple of years. He changed when she died, and she changed when she worked with Cerberus. But even after everything they had been through, after the heartache and the doubts and the harsh words, they still managed to find their way back to each other. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was dumb luck, or maybe they were really made to be with each other.

Shepard didn't care what it was, she was just glad he was still there. She took his hands in hers and stared at them for a while. "Do you think..." She coughed, trying to find the right words. "Do you think we'll be able to get past all the pain and... and the doubts?"

Kaidan sighed. "Shepard. I care about you, about us, so much. Even after you died, I couldn't bring myself to stop thinking about you. That doctor you asked about? I couldn't be more than just friends with her because I couldn't stop thinking about you. Because I couldn't stop loving you, and I still can't."

"Kaidan..." She stopped for a second, feeling a lump forming in her throat. "I lo-"

Suddenly, the doors to Kaidan's room opened and Dr. Michel entered. She was looking at her datapad and stopped abrumptly when she looked up and saw two pairs of eyes staring at her. "Commander! I'm sorry. I didn't know you were still here. I can come back later if you wish. I just need to run some checks on the Major."

Shepard released Kaidan's hands and put her own on her thighs. She looked back to Kaidan. He was almost pleading her to tell the doctor to come back later. She could see he wanted her to finish what she was about to say. _Another time Kaidan. Not here. Not like this._ She stood up and looked back at the doctor who was waiting patiently beside the door.

"No it's okay. I was about to leave anyway." She heard Kaidan sigh beside her. She turned to him, bent down and brought her mouth close to his ear. "I'll see you later Kaidan. And then we'll continue this conversation." She withdrew a little so she could look at him. He smiled at her, a little disappointed, but also eager to have that discussion with her.

She smiled back at him and kissed him on the cheek. She stood up straight and rearranged her uniform.

She nodded to the doctor, but before she left, she turned back and looked at Kaidan one last time, and then walked out the door.

Doctor Michel approached his monitor and started writing down the results. Kaidan kept his eyes on the door. After a few minutes, he finally said something. "You have to get me out of this bed doctor." Kaidan wanted to be up and ready to join Shepard the next time she visited him. Then, they could have that conversation she promised him.


	6. Apologies

**A/N: Hello everyone! I finally managed to find some time to write this. College has been taking a lot of space in my schedule lately. **

**There's another flashback in this chapter, but this time from Kaidan's POV. I hope it fits in the story well. **

**Obviously, the next chapter will be set during the Citadel Coup. In this story I want to focus mainly on Shepard and Kaidan's relationship, hence the lack of action, but once Kaidan is back aboard the Normandy, there will be more action I promise. :)**

**This is my first fanfiction by the way, so if you have any comments or feedback, feel free to share them. They help me improve AND they make my day. **

**Thank you again to everyone who favorited and are following this story! You make me want to improve and do better. :P**

**Mass Effect belongs to Bioware, a division of EA. I'm just playing with their toys. **

**P.S. If you see any mistakes, please let me know. English is not my mother tongue, so I might have made some mistakes.**

* * *

Kaidan paced back and forth in his hospital room. He was getting tired of this place. He wanted to leave, get back into the fight and be by Shepard's side, especially after what she told him. "_And then we'll continue this conversation."_

Those words kept repeating themselves inside Kaidan's head over and over again. He couldn't do anything except think about it. Dr. Michel told him he had to stay in the hospital for another week, even though he was technically fit for duty. So, Kaidan had nothing more to do then think about the woman that had been haunting his dreams for so long until he could leave.

Then, he received a message from Shepard.

"_Hey Kaidan._

_Spectre, huh? Can't say I'm surprised. You're an excellent soldier and you more than deserve it. _

_I'll be on the Citadel in a couple of days. When I'll be there, maybe I can swing by so I can congratulate you in person? _

_See you soon._

_Shepard."_

Of course, he replied as soon as he read the message.

Kaidan smiled to himself. The conversation they had when she visited him went relatively well. It went a lot better than he thought anyway. They made a step forward, even though it was just a small one. He hoped with all his heart that their next conversation will help as well. There were a few things he wanted to say.

Kaidan stopped pacing and instead stood in front of the window. He looked at the fly cars go by as he remembered something that took place a few years ago that had something to do with a certain Commander Shepard.

* * *

_Wow. Well that didn't go as planned. Not only they don't want to go after Saren, but they grounded us too! Idiots._

_Shepard doesn't look too happy either. Maybe I should go talk to her… _

_Screw it. Maybe I'll be able to calm her down._

_"Commander, are you alright? I'm sure there's a way to appeal. We're under Alliance authority after all, not the Council."_

_"I pushed as hard as I could. They wouldn't listen."_

_Ok. The peaceful approach didn't work. Time to go for another one._

_"So that's it. We just walk away? We just let them win and damn us all?"_

_"We've lost the battle not the war. I'll figure something out."_

_Now you're talking._

_"You've got something up your sleeve Shepard? What am I saying, when don't you? That's what I lo—appreciate about you."_

_Smooth. Nicely done dumbass._

_"Galaxy in the balance and you trip talking to me."_

_Damn it. I knew it was too much to ask for her not to notice my slip up. Ah what the hell, might as well go for it. I might never have another chance._

_"I just need some practice is all. I think we have some time." Go for it. What do you have to lose?_

_"Sorry to interrupt Commander. Got a message from Captain Anderson."_

_Damn it Joker! You are SO going to pay for that!_

_"Are you spying on us Joker?"_

_"No ma'am. Just knew you were on the ship and figured I'd pass the message on."_

_Yeah right. You can't fool me Joker._

_"The Captain said to meet him at Flux, that club down in the wards."_

_And now the moment is ruined thanks to Joker._

_"Well I guess you'd better go then."_

_"Yeah I probably should, but… we'll… we'll continue this conversation later."_

_Maybe I'll get another chance. If Joker doesn't screw it up that is._

* * *

Kaidan was still looking at the cars fly by when the doors to his room opened.

"Spectre Kaidan Alenko. Has a nice ring to it." Shepard said as she entered. Kaidan smiled to himself and turned around to greet her.

"Yeah. Only the second human Spectre. No pressure at all." She chuckled and came a little closer. She simply looked at him for a little while. Most of his injuries were gone and he looked a lot better. She stopped in front of him and stuck her hand out. He shook her hand.

"Congratulations Kaidan. You deserve it." He chuckled, remembering her message. She said she would congratulate him in person and she did. When she put her mind to something, almost nothing could stop her. He was glad that side of her hadn't change. She might be stubborn sometimes, but that was also part of her charm.

"Thanks. I hope I'll meet the Council's expectations. I mean you put the bar pretty high." She had stopped Saren and Sovereign, destroyed the Collector Base and was now trying to bring all the races together to stop the Reapers. For some, it might seem impossible, but Kaidan knew it was just another typical day in the office for Shepard.

"Hehe. Just doing my job." Kaidan loved her and hated her at that moment for saying that. He loved her because she was always humble and was always trying to find a way to help others, but she also died doing her job and he knew she would keep dying if she didn't take care of herself.

"Yep. Just doing your job. Like you always have." She tilted her head and looked at him with a puzzled look. _What does he mean by that?_ "Even when you worked with Cerberus you were just doing your job, and I want to apologize for not realizing it sooner."

Realization downed on her when he mentioned Cerberus. But she was also intrigued. Even though she wanted to know what he wanted to say, she didn't want to talk about this right now. She went to the hospital to talk about his Spectre position and see how he was doing, not talk about her time with Cerberus. "Kaidan…"

"Shepard don't. Let me say this." Shepard closed her mouth. She didn't see that one coming. Kaidan had indeed changed in the last two years, but she kind of liked this new side of him. "I've wanted to apologize about Horizon for so long. I don't want to waste this chance." She nodded once and kept her mouth closed. "I can't tell you enough how much I'm sorry for everything I said. I don't except you to forget me, even though that's all I want. After you left, I was just too afraid that you wouldn't forgive me because I couldn't forgive myself. I'm sorry I didn't say this earlier." He looked into her eyes and waited for… something. He didn't know what, he just hoped that she would see the truth in his words.

"I hope we can move past this too. Time is running short and this is not the right moment to hold grudges. I think we're on the right track though." She gave him a small smile and he let out the breath he'd been holding. He smiled back at her.

"Then maybe, when I'm out of here, we can talk some more about things and about where we stand." He risked a look at her.

"I think that's a good idea Kaidan. And…" He looked at her straight in the eyes, wondering what she wanted to say. She looked away, intimidated by the intensity in his eyes.

"And?"

"And maybe you can come back on the Normandy if you want. I think we can make room for one more." She needed people to fill the empty spots in her crew sure, but that wasn't the only reason why she asked him and she knew it. She just didn't want to admit it to herself just yet.

"Yeah. I'd like that." She smiled. She tried to hide her smile but simply couldn't. _Finally something is going right for once._

She could feel her cheeks getting redder when she saw the look on Kaidan's face. "Ok, well I'll… huh… you know… go do some stuff… and then we can… you know… huh… talk later when I'm done." Kaidan chuckled at her reaction.

"Sure. I'll see you soon. I'm sure you got a lot of stuff to do." He told her sarcastically.

She started to back away toward the door as she talked. "Yep. Lot of stuff to do. See you later." Then, she turned around and left, leaving Kaidan laughing at her awkwardness.

_Well that was embarrassing. Since when do I babble like a complete idiot?_

Even though she was completely embarrassed by how she acted, she hadn't felt this good in a long time.

Little did she know though that the next time she would see Kaidan, they would both be pointing their guns at each other.


	7. Hope

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I'm a little late. College is killing me right now. But soon it'll be summer break! :D**

**This chapter takes place mainly at the end of the Citadel Coup, when Shepard and Kaidan are pointing guns at each other. Will things ever go right for these two? XD**

**Anyway, if you have any comments or feedback, feel free to share them! **

**Thank you once again to those who favorited or are following this story. Love you guys ! :)**

**As always, Mass Effect belongs to Bioware.**

**P.S. If you see any mistakes, please let me know!**

* * *

To say that Shepard's day was turning to crap quickly would be an understatement. In fact, it was becoming more like a clusterfuck. _Cerberus? Attacking the Citadel?_ She had heard the news only a few seconds ago and her mind was already racing to try and find a solution.

At first, she had been relieved to hear Thane on the comm. He told her he was fine, but there was someone else she wanted to know about.

Anxiety flooded through her as she heard what Thane told her next.

"And Kaidan?"

"We got separated. He said he had to protect the Council."

_Sounds like Kaidan. God he's stubborn._

"Ok. Joker, can you get us close to Thane's position?"

The drell interrupted her chain of thought. "I'm currently on foot. I'm heading toward C-Sec headquarters. Meet me there."

With that being said, Shepard turned around and started making her way to the elevator and she said over her shoulder "You heard him Joker! Get us as close as possible. We'll infiltrate by shuttle."

"Aye aye, ma'am."

* * *

After killing the last Cerberus phantom, Shepard, Garrus and James jumped on the elevator holding the Councilors. _And hopefully Kaidan too._ Almost as soon as she landed on the elevator, bullets started flying toward her. "Dammit." She rolled out of the way and then the elevator stopped. She waited a couple of seconds and then busted through the vent and jumped down.

With Garrus and James right on her heel, she ran to the door in front of her. Her heart stopped when she heard Kaidan's voice on the other side. "Cerberus took out the shuttle. Everyone back to the elevator. Move!"

She took it as her cue to step through the door and stop them before they left. She had to stop Udina.

She stepped through, her gun raised. Behind her, James locked the door. She saw Kaidan, a look of mild surprise written on his features. She lowered her weapon. "Shepard? What are you doing here? What's going on?" She saw Udina in the corner of her eye step closer to her.

She knew Udina was up to something the moment he replaced Anderson as Councilor. He always had a second motive for everything he did, and that reason was often himself. So Shepard wasn't surprised when Udina said "She's with Cerberus. She's blocking our escape." _He wants to turn Kaidan against me._

Udina then went to a nearby console and started playing with it. "I'm overriding the lock."

Shepard raised her weapon and pointed it toward the Councilor. Immediately, Kaidan raised his own weapon and pointed it at _her. What the hell?_ She could clearly see the hesitation in his eyes.

"I can't let you do this Shepard. You know that." Her finger inched ever closer to the trigger.

"Can you at least hear me out?" she asked him desperately.

"I know you don't like Udina, but it's my duty to protect the Councilors. Hell, it's _our_ duty! I can't let you kill him for no reason."

She stared at him dumbfounded. "With no reason? I have proof that Udina is behind this attack." She couldn't believe this. "Hell, I thought we were over this whole mistrust thing Kaidan. I thought you trusted me. _I _trusted you! I told you things I never told anyone else! And now this? I thought I could count on you. Looks like I was wrong."

She stepped to her left to have a better shot at Udina, but Kaidan blocked her angle again. "Don't make me do this Kaidan." She almost begged him. She could feel the tears burning her eyes.

Suddenly, looking directly into her eyes, he knew she was telling him the truth. She trusted him, and now he had broken that trust. He swore to himself after Mars that he would never doubt her again. Now was the perfect opportunity to show her.

Kaidan finally lowered his weapon and turned toward Udina, who was still at the console. "Thank you." Shepard whispered.

Kaidan pointed his pistol at Udina in an attempt to dissuade him from continuing what he was doing. "Udina, step away from the console." The asari Councilor approached the traitor and grabbed his arm. Udina shoved her off and pushed her away, making her fall to the ground. He then pulled out his own pistol and pointed it at the asari. "He's got a gun!"

_You don't say?_

Shepard stepped closer to Udina. She wanted to shoot the bastard so badly, but her mind was telling her not to shoot. Perhaps he could tell them a few things about Cerberus.

The decision was made for her when Kaidan pulled the trigger and Udina fell, blood appearing on the front of his shirt.

She simply stood there for a moment. She couldn't believe Kaidan did that. He had always been the one with the most amount of restraint between the two of them. He was always the one telling her there was another way to do things. He was the one that calmed her down.

Now, he had shot Udina. Even she knew there were other options, which is why she didn't shoot. Only then did she realise how much the last two years had changed him.

She approached Kaidan and placed her hand on his shoulder. She wanted to say something like "You didn't have any other choice." but they both knew it wasn't true. She opened and closed her mouth in an attempt to speak, but nothing came out.

"I'm good. Don't worry." He told her. She reluctantly let go of him and turned around. When she heard the doors open, she and everyone else pulled out their guns and pointed them toward the intruders. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw Bailey.

The Commander of C-Sec explained that the remaining Cerberus forces had retreated and the station was now safe. He left and brought the Councilors to safety.

Before she left as well, Shepard looked behind her and saw Kaidan looking at her as if he had a million interrogations marks on his forehead.

* * *

Shepard stepped through the door that led to the Normandy's dock, but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Kaidan standing there, waiting for her.

"Hey Kaidan."

"Shepard." She narrowed her eyes at him. He wanted something, she could tell.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I think you could actually. I wanna know what the hell just happened." She knew he was referring to the… incident with Udina.

"What is there to say? He was working with Cerberus and I had to stop him. End of story."

"End of story? Shepard it's… it's not that simple. I mean… it's not every day you have an armed stand-off with someone you love." She straightened slightly at this. "When I think about the way it all went down, it's got me… I don't know."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Ok. Talk to me. Let's have it."

He could see her tensing. _She probably thinks I still don't trust her or something._ He was trying to find a way to tell her about his doubts without making her mad. "It's just that… if I hadn't backed down first, I feel like you would have taken me out." _There. Said it._

She sighed. "Kaidan, there's… there's a reason why I decided to save you on Virmire all those years ago, and it's same reason why I could never_ ever_ pull the trigger on you today."

He smiled a little at that. "And may I ask you what that reason is?"

"I think we both know what it is."

He knew exactly what it was, or at least he hoped he knew. Now that this matter was cleared out, he had something else to ask her. "Alright. Look, there's another reason I'm here." He was wondering if she was still considering to accept him back on the Normandy. With everything that had just happened, he doubted she would say yes, but he needed to ask her anyway. He needed to know if there was a chance that _maybe_ they could still salvage whatever it was between them. "Hackett offered me a position, but I'd turn it down in a second if there was a chance to join you on the Normandy again."

She looked at him for a long time. After what seemed like an eternity to Kaidan, she finally gave him an answer. "I think I can make room for one more." He shook her outstretched hand and smiled.

"Thank you Shepard. And just so you know, I'll never doubt you again. I made a promise to myself and I intend to keep it."

She smiled as well and they walked together inside the Normandy.

_Maybe now things will start to get better._


	8. A friend's advice

**A/N: Hello guys! **

**Now that school is finally over (or at least for the summer), I'll be able to focus more on this story... and the Shepard/James story I want to write. :P And now that Kaidan is back aboard the Normandy, the events will be closer together.**

**Enjoy! **

**And a big thank you to everyone who's following and favorited this story. You guys are awesome as always. :)**

**That comment box wants some love. So feel free to give some feedback. **

**And of course, Mass Effect belongs to Bioware. **

* * *

Kaidan thought it would feel _right_ to be back aboard the Normandy. He had been waiting for this moment for so long. But now, as he drank a cup of coffee in the mess, it felt strange. When he first stepped aboard the ship, everyone looked at him with suspicion, including Joker. Now, with his cup in front of him, it wasn't any different. People were just trying to be more subtle, but he saw their glances anyway. He could even hear the whispers.

"I can't believe he would point his gun toward the Commander. Didn't they use to work together?" one of the engineers said.

"Yeah. Hell, I even heard from Joker they used to be more than just coworkers, if you know what I mean."

"And he still pointed his gun at her? Damn."

A third man joined the conversation. "And were supposed to work with him now?"

"Apparently. Can't say I want to. I don't trust him at all."

"You're not the only one buddy."

Kaidan has had enough. He stood and walked toward the three men. "I regret what I did, ok? But if Shepard is willing to give me another chance, maybe you should too. There's a war going on. Perhaps you should focus on that rather than what I did wrong." With that being said, he left the three men alone and walked to the elevator.

He needed to go someplace quieter, somewhere with as few people as possible. He pressed the button to get to the Cargo Bay. When he exited the elevator, he sighed in relief when he saw the giant room was empty, except for one person.

* * *

Garrus was modding his sniper rifle when a shadowy figure joined him at the working station. Without even looking, he knew exactly who it was. "Hey Kaidan."

The Major stayed silent for a while before finally breaking the silence. "Hi." There were no emotions in his voice. He sounded so distant. Something was definitely disturbing the biotic and Garrus had a pretty good idea of what it was.

"Sooooo... Did you talk to Shepard recently?" Garrus slowly turned his head toward Kaidan when he didn't answer his question. His friend seemed so far away.

Kaidan was lost in his thoughts and they all lead to the same place: Shepard. It's only when Garrus lightly elbowed him that the Major finally came back to reality. "What? Oh, uh no. We haven't spoken since we came back from Uttuku."Kaidan took his assault rifle and started dismantling it. While working on his gun, he asked "Is it just me or does she seem a little... distant with me?"

Not knowing what to say to reassure his friend, Garrus chose his words carefully and told him the truth. "Look Kaidan. Shepard has been through a lot." Knowing that Shepard would probably kill him for what he would say next, he decided it was worth the risk, for Shepard's sake as well as Kaidan's. "After the whole... 'Horizon incident' as Joker put it, Shepard was crushed." His own heart sank when he remembered the event. "She spent most of her time in her cabin and barely talked to anybody. She wasn't the Shepard we all know and trust. I was just like her after Sidonis betrayed me and my men. But do you know what the difference was between her and me?" Kaidan had long stopped working on his rifle and turned toward Garrus. When Kaidan didn't answer, he continued. "She still had a reason to fight. You might have broken her heart, but she was still fighting for something. You. She… she always fought for you Kaidan."

Kaidan looked at him, perplexed. He didn't know if Garrus was making it up to make him feel better or if he was actually telling the truth. The latest choice brought hope in his heart. He swore to himself that if Garrus was lying to him right now, he would put him in the airlock and space him for giving him false hopes. After a few moments of processing this new information, he finally dared to ask. "How do you know that?"

Garrus tried to sound as casual as possible as he kept working on his sniper rifle. "She told me. Before we used the Omega-4 relay." Kaidan could hardly contain the smile tugging at his lips. "If I remember right, she said something like 'If winning this fight grants him a week, a day or even one more hour to live, I'll do anything in my power to make sure we destroy that base, even if I die trying. At least I'll know he's safe for a little while longer.'" He looked at Kaidan and saw him staring at him, baffled. "And trust me, she's still fighting for the same reason than before. She might seem a little distant with you, but you have to understand that she has the weight of the entire galaxy on her shoulders and no one, not even Shepard, can do that alone." Garrus finally put his sniper rifle on the work station in front of him and turned toward his friend.

Kaidan looked Garrus in the eyes and saw that his friend was saying nothing but the truth.

The biotic slowly nodded and started heading to the elevator, but then Garrus grabbed him by the arm and stopped him. "She needs you Kaidan. More than you can imagine. So why don't you tell her how you really feel."

Without any hesitation, Kaidan turned around and went in the elevator, leaving his gun half dismantled on the work station. When the doors to the elevator closed, Garrus flared his mandibles in a way of smiling and went back to work.

During his ascension to the third floor, Kaidan wrote a message on his omni-tool.

_'Hey Shepard,_

_I don't know about you, but I could sure use a little breather. Next time we're on the Citadel, let me buy you dinner. We should try Apollo's. It's that little restaurant in the courtyard overlooking the Presidium._

_Kaidan'_

After reading his message one last time, he pushed the sent button and released the breath he'd been holding since he got in the elevator. He headed to the Port Observation Deck so he could think about what he would say to Shepard when she accepts his offer. _If she accepts._


	9. Girly

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay. I had important family matters to attend to and I also got a visit from somebody I haven't seen in a long time (and I've started playing The Last Of Us and that game is amazing!). Do not worry though! There will be another chapter next week.**

**This is just a short addition before the dinner scene. Hope you enjoy!**

**Read and review. You know, if you have anything to say about this story in general, share it! That would certainly make my day. :)**

**Mass Effect belongs to Bioware. I'm just playing with its universe and characters, 'cause they're awesome!**

* * *

"Really Liara? I don't wanna go out there looking like a hooker."

Liara stopped applying makeup in Shepard's face. "What?"

The Commander sighed. "Never mind. I just think you're overreacting a little."

The asari continued her work of art. "You have a date with the Major. I don't think I'm overreacting at all."

"I already told you, it's not a date! We're just going to lunch. That's it. I don't need to dress up like I'm about to participate in a beauty contest."

Liara then threw the brush she was holding in her hand on Shepard's desk. "Fine. You can just wear your uniform like you always do and I'll remove the makeup I spent the last half hour applying. I'm sure Kaidan won't mind."

Seeing how sad her friend was over her refusal, Shepard sighed once again. "Alright, alright. You can dress me up like a Barbie if you want. Just make sure there isn't _too_ much makeup."

Liara narrowed her eyes and looked at Shepard suspiciously. "Really?" When her friend nodded, she smiled. "Thank you Shepard. I'm happy that we can do something a little more girly for a change."

"Girly? I'm not _girly_. That's why we don't do _girly_ stuff like this." She pointed to the ton of makeup apparel on her desk beside her.

Liara chuckled slightly. "I know. You'd rather charge head first toward a brute than go shopping… or dress up for a date. Speaking of which, how do you think it'll go?"

Shepard's eyes then widened because of the question. "Honestly? I have no idea. I don't even know why he invited me to lunch in the first place."

"I heard that he and Garrus had a… conversation the other day. Maybe it has something to do with that."

"Oh God, now you're making me nervous Liara." The asari chuckled and continued applying makeup.

* * *

_Crap. Crap crap crap!_

That was all Shepard could think of when she saw Kaidan sitting at a table at Apollo's Cafe, his back facing her. She slowly and carefully walked down the stairs, in fear of tripping because of her heels. Once she made it down safely, she sighed contently and made her way toward Kaidan.

* * *

Kaidan saw a woman approach and stop beside him in the corner of his eye. He rolled his eyes. _Not a journalist again. They've been bothering me ever since I came back aboard the Normandy._ _I do _not_ have the energy for this._ "I'm sorry miss, but I'm waiting for someone and..." He looked up to address the woman directly and was struck by what he saw. His mouth closed instantly. He stood up slowly from his chair, his eyes never leaving Shepard. She was wearing a white light dress that accentuated her dark brown hair and wore heeled sandals and a hint of makeup was present on her face. "Shepard… you look… wow." That was all he could say.

"I know. I look like a damn clown with this dress and all this makeup."

"No! I meant 'wow' in a good way, a very good way. Shepard, you look beautiful."

Shepard bowed her head and Kaidan could see her cheeks reddening. "Oh." She said. "Well thanks. You should thank Liara, because she's the artist behind all this." She pointed her dress and then her face.

"I will." After a little more time looking at Shepard in awe, he indicated the chair beside her to tell her to sit. Now was the time for Shepard to answer _the_ question that has been haunting him since Horizon. _Do we still have a chance to be together?_


	10. Sanity Check

**A/N: Finally! The dinner scene! I had a lot of problems about how to make this chapter. I kept most of the conversation from the game because I really liked it, but I added some stuff ****_after_****, so I hope you guys like it.**

**Thank you as always to those who are following and favorited this story. You guys are great! And a big thank you for the reviews (you know who you are). ;)**

**Reviews and feedback are always welcome.**

**Mass Effect belongs to Bioware. Lucky them. **

**P.S. See any mistakes? Let me know! :)**

* * *

After Shepard sat, she looked around nervously. She had an old habit of checking where the nearest exit was and look for the best spots for a sniper in case of an ambush. Kaidan looked at her and chuckled. He knew her so well. "Don't worry Shepard. I don't think Cerberus is gonna try something anytime soon."

That brought her back to reality. "What? Oh. Right, sorry." She looked down and saw a menu lie on the table as she rested her arms on it. "What are you drinking?"

Kaidan smiled when he heard the playfulness in her voice. "I don't know. I'd really like some Canadian lager. Think they have it?"

She huffed. "Yeah right. They're more likely to have batarian shard wine."

Kaidan sighed. "You know, at my parent's place in Vancouver," he looked away, remembering those moments perfectly in his head. "we drank more than a few beers on the balcony looking over English Bay. Yeah, beautiful view." He turned back toward Shepard, a new feeling of determination flooding through him. "You know what though, I feel good about our chances."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "You do?"

He looked down so she couldn't see the doubt in his eyes. He – everyone – needed her to believe that they could win this war otherwise they wouldn't stand a chance. But he also wanted to be honest with her. "Yeah. Let's me sleep better at night."

Shepard looked at him with concern. "You're not sleeping Kaidan?"

"I'm a little restless, that's for sure. But it's not the only thing keeping me up at night." He looked at her. Her expression didn't change. She waited for him to continue. That made him even more nervous. _Now or never._ "I… I wonder about us."

She rested her back against her chair. "Us?" She asked simply.

Kaidan rested his forearms on the table and looked at Shepard directly in the eyes. "I love you Shepard." She sucked in a breath. "I always have. And I want to understand what this is between us, and make it real." He sighed when she didn't say anything or didn't even react. "That's what I want. That's _all_ I want." He was silently begging for Shepard to say something… anything. "What about you? What do you want?"

Shepard leaned forward and looked at Kaidan intensely. "I can't bury what I feel for you anymore… and I don't want to."

Kaidan smiled and took her hands in his. "And that… makes me so happy." He brought her right hand to his cheek. "And there are benefits to that happiness." He said seductively. He kissed her palm when an idea occurred to him. _She liked to tease me before. Now it's my turn._ He put her hand back on the table and tried to hide the smile on his face. "But more on that later."

She could clearly hear the amusement in his voice. "Later? Really? If so then we need to get back to the Normandy ASAP."

Kaidan could see the waiter coming toward them to take their order. "Too late." They both gave their order and the waiter left. Kaidan took her hands back in his. "After Mars, I realized that we didn't really have the chance to go on a date like this. I just want to savor this moment with you. Call it a "Sanity Check"." When she nodded, he kissed her knuckles tenderly.

* * *

Kaidan and Shepard were slowly walking toward the elevator. Suddenly, she stopped. Kaidan walked a few more steps before he realized she wasn't beside him anymore. He turned around and looked at her. "Hey. What's wrong?"

She looked at the ground. "I don't want to leave yet. Want to walk with me a little bit?"

He slowly approached her. "I don't know. I don't think that's a good idea."

Her eyes widened. "Oh."

Kaidan stopped in front of her and smiled. "See, I don't want other people getting jealous because I have the most beautiful woman at my side."

She laughed and punched his shoulder. "Jerk." He laughed as well and offered her his hand. She took it and they started walking hand in hand. She didn't care if someone saw them. They probably wouldn't recognize her anyway with her makeup and her dress.

They walked in comfortable silence for a while before Kaidan spoke. "I'm really glad we took the time to do this."

She nodded and looked at him. "Yeah. It was a good idea for us to have a heart to heart."

They walked for half an hour, talking about little things like Garrus' calibrating and Joker's stupid jokes. They talked about anything _but _the war_._ As they waited in front of the elevator to get back to the Normandy, she asked him something. "Think you'll sleep better now?"

He laughed. "Depends where I sleep, because if we sleep in the same bed, I don't think I'll be able to get some rest anytime soon." he said seductively as they stepped in the elevator with Shepard.

She turned to face him. "Oh? And why is that?"

He slowly put his arms around her waist. "Because we'll have a lot of catching up to do."

Then she wrapped her hands around his neck almost instantly. She had done this so many times before that it was like her arms were acting all by themselves. "Hmmm, I like that idea. And then you can show me all the _benefits_ of your happiness."

"Yes, ma'am." he murmured.

Kaidan could almost feel her goose bumps through her dress. "God I love it when you say that."

He chuckled once again. "I know."

"Then don't stop."

"Aye aye, ma'am." She moaned her approval as he brought his lips to hers for the first time in three long years.


	11. Guilt

**A/N: Hello guys!**

**This chapter takes place only a couple of hours after the dinner. I skipped what they did in between, because I'm sure you can imagine what they did. ;)**

**Thank you for the reviews and follows! It means a lot to me. :)**

**If you have any comments, feel free to share them. **

**As always, Mass Effect belongs to Bioware. **

* * *

_"You are not a savior. You only bring destruction and chaos. You are the angel of death."_

_Then, just like every other night when she managed to sleep, the boy slowly busted into flames, looking at Shepard with anger and disdain._

* * *

Kaidan woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of whispers coming from his left.

Shepard was sitting on the bed, her knees bended in front of her and her hands gripping her temples as she balanced herself back and forth. "Why did I do that? How could I have done something like this? _What have I done_?"

Kaidan was now fully awake. He sat up straight and put his hand on Shepard's back. She didn't even acknowledge his presence. She just kept mumbling. Kaidan got a little closer to her and could now see her face.

Her eyes were wide open and she kept staring at the bed sheets. Kaidan could almost see the unshed tears in her eyes. He tried to listen carefully to what she said. "Please, I don't want him to be next. Take me instead." Kaidan raised an eyebrow in confusion. _What the hell is she talking about?_

He then tried to make Shepard snap out of her torment. He called her name softly, but she still ignored him. He tried shaking her, but to no avail. He got out of the bed and went to the bathroom. He took the glass sitting on the counter and poured water in it. He brought her the glass of water, but just like before, she was totally oblivious of his presence. He sat down beside her and put the glass on her night stand. He turned and looked at her fully. Her eyes were red and puffy from lack of sleep and she had bags under her eyes. Only now did he see how exhausted she looked.

After a couple of minutes, Kaidan decided he's had enough. "EDI, can you tell Dr. Chackwas to come up here please? It's urgent."

"Of course, Major. Based on Shepard's heart rate and blood pressure, I will tell Dr. Chackwas to bring medical equipment."

"Alright. Thank you EDI." The AI logged off and Kaidan waited impatiently for the doctor to arrive.

A few minutes later, the door to the cabin opened and Dr. Chackwas stepped through. Karin immediately went to Shepard's side. She looked at the Commander's pupils and pulled out a syringe from her kit. The doctor was so quick it was like she already knew what to do. "What are you doing?" Kaidan asked her.

"I'll have to sedate her to make her heart beat slow down." She hesitated before adding "Plus she could use the rest."

Kaidan frowned at the last comment. He knew Shepard didn't sleep a lot. Hell, everybody knew it. He just never thought it would come down to this to make her sleep.

Then, as sleep started to become more difficult to resist, Shepard finally looked at Kaidan and desperation flooded her. "Please… don't be next. Don't be the next to… leave me. Don't…" And then she fell backwards on the bed, sleep consuming her.

Dr. Chackwas sighed heavily, looking at the Commander. "It isn't the first time this happened."

"What? This happened before? When?"

"After the destruction of the Alpha Relay, she asked me to sedate her. She said she wanted the guilt to go away. After that, every time she lost somebody, especially somebody she cared about like Mordin, this happened." She pointed to the sleeping Commander.

Kaidan shook his head in disbelief. "But that doesn't make any sense. We went to dinner last night. Why would it happen now?"

"Maybe… oh never mind."

Kaidan stood up and looked straight at the doctor's eyes. "No, no, no. Tell me. I need to know." Kaidan said through gritted teeth. He was starting to get angry, not just at Shepard for not telling him about this, but also at himself, because he wasn't there to support her the first time it happened.

Karin raised her hands up in surrender. "Maybe… maybe she feels like she doesn't deserve happiness after everything she's done."

"_She_, of all people, deserves happiness."

"Try to tell _her_ that." She looked at Shepard one last time and stood up and took her kit. "Well, I think my job here is done. Don't hesitate to warn me if it happens again, which I hope it won't." The doctor smiled at him tenderly and started walking out of the cabin. Suddenly she stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Try to be there for her. She needs an ear as much as she needs happiness."

* * *

A couple of hours later, Shepard woke up. Kaidan had brought the chair of her desk beside her bed and was holding her hand in his. When he saw she was finally awake, he smiled. "Hey there."

"Hi."

Kaidan hesitated a little bit before saying something else. He didn't want to disturb the peaceful atmosphere that reigned in the room now, but he wanted to understand what had happened more than anything. "What happened to you last night?"

She immediately looked away from him. "I… I remembered… things."

"Like the Bahak System?" he asked her softly.

"Maybe." She didn't want to look at him. She frowned as she remembered what the ghost in her dream said. "How could I have done that? That boy was right. I'm… I'm the angel of death."

"Shepard, that's not true. You know that."

"Do I?" She looked at him intensely. "All I keep doing is kill people. I bring death wherever I go."

"But you do it to protect innocents." Kaidan tried to keep calm. He hated it when Shepard blamed herself like that, and he knew from experience that if he started to rise his voice like she did, it would end badly.

"And who were those batarians I murdered? Innocents! They didn't deserve that!" She scoffed. "I keep telling myself I do this for the right reasons, that the few don't outweigh the many, but now I'm thinking like the Reapers. Ruthless calculus. That's what I'm down to: Statistics. How can I save people when I think like a machine?"

"Shepard, you try. You do your best with what you have and that's what matters. You could have let the Reapers go through the Alpha Relay, but you didn't. If you hadn't destroyed that relay, far more would have died. We probably wouldn't even be here to talk about this." Shepard didn't look at him as he talked. That event was still too fresh in her mind. "There's a reason why _you_ are the one leading this war against the Reapers. It's because you care. You will fight until your last breath to make sure people are safe. For you, it doesn't matter if the person you're protecting is asari, krogan or batarian. You fight for them no matter what, and that's all that matters. That's not ruthless calculus, that's… fighting with your heart and for what you believe in. A machine would never do that."

When Kaidan finished, Shepard sighed, feeling a little bit of weight taken off her shoulders. "I guess."

To enlighten the mood, Kaidan stood up and offered Shepard his hand. "How 'bout we go eat something? We could start a food fight. That could be fun."

She chuckled and took his hand. He pulled her up and once she was on her feet, he put his hands on her hips and brought her closer. He brought his lips to hers and kissed her tenderly, wanting to make her understand that he will always be there for her, no matter what.

Once they pulled apart, he took her hand in his one more time. "Ready to go?"

She smiled wholeheartedly. "Let's go."


	12. Emergency transmission

**A/N: I don't have anything to say except a big thank you for those who favorited and are following this story.**

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

"Hey guys! While you're there, could you bring me something too?"

Garrus and Kaidan, who were both heading for the bar, looked at each other. "Sure Shepard. What do you want?"

"I don't know. Surprise me."

"Alright." When the two men reached the bar, Garrus looked at Kaidan and asked quietly. "Since when does she drink?"

"She doesn't. I'm just as surprised as you are." Kaidan then looked back at Shepard and saw her laughing with James and Joker at the poker table. "I guess she just wants to relax for a bit."

As Garrus prepared the drinks, Kaidan and Shepard glanced at each other from time to time. The turian smiled to himself. "You two seem inseparable these days."

Kaidan turned back to Garrus, but not before looking one more time at Shepard. "That's because we are. That dinner was exactly what we needed. Thanks, by the way, for your advice. Since then… well let's just say that we're moving forward."

"Good. Truth is I haven't seen her smile this much since she told the Illusive Man to shove it." Kaidan laughed at the thought. _Why am I not surprised? _When Garrus finished the drinks, they brought them back to the poker table and arrived in the middle of what seemed to be a very funny story, according to Shepard's laughs.

"No way!" she said.

James laughed. "It's true. I jumped on that batarian, broke the window behind him and used the guy as a landing pad from a three-story jump."

"Yeah right." Garrus arrived and handed the drink to Shepard. "Thanks. What is this exactly?"

"You told me to surprise you, so I'm not telling you."

Shepard slowly brought the drink to her lips and tasted it. Everyone was looking at her. When she nodded to herself, the others smiled. "Alright Lola! Now we're gonna have some fun!"

James passed the cards and they started playing poker when the door to the lounge opened. Traynor walked in and stopped when she saw everyone at the table. She didn't want to disturb this joyful atmosphere, but she needed the Commander now. "Commander?" Shepard looked at her and her smile dropped. "We have a situation. Can you come with me in the War Room?"

"Great. I can't even finish a goddamned poker game." Shepard got up and joined the comm specialist at the door. "Let's go."

When the door closed behind the two women, Joker was the first to speak. "Shit! We've been preparing this night for a week and we can't even play one game! I swear the Reapers don't want us to have _at least_ a little bit of fun."

"Yeah. They have a way of ruining plans." replied Kaidan.

Suddenly, they heard Shepard's voice on the Normandy's comm. _"I need everyone in the briefing room right now."_ By the way she sounded, they knew something urgent came up. They all stood and made their way to the elevator. While they waited to get to the CIC, no one said anything. The tension was rising. When they entered the room, only Liara and Tali were missing.

A few minutes later, everyone was finally in the briefing room. Shepard didn't waste any time explaining the situation to the others. "Terra Nova is under attack from Cerberus troops. We received an emergency transmission saying that there's an Alliance general on the planet. That man helped defeat Sovereign three years ago, so he'll be very valuable when we bring the fight to the Reapers. Our mission will be to land, locate the general and extract him and any civilians we might find. Any questions?"

"What's the opposition?" asked Kaidan.

"No idea. It might range from a few dozen to more than a hundred. The general has last been seen in the capitol of Scott. That means urban environment and a lot of collapsed buildings. Garrus, you'll provide over watch, and if we need, covering fire with your sniper rifle from the nearby buildings."

"Got it."

"We'll need some heavy lifters so I'll contact Wrex. We'll split into two teams of four to cover more ground. Any more questions?"

"When do we leave?" asked James excitedly.

"As soon as Wrex arrives, we'll leave. Anything else?" When no one asked anything, Shepard nodded. "Alright. Everyone dismissed."

Everyone left the room except for Kaidan. "This seems a bit sketchy, Shepard. I mean, we have no idea where to look and we don't even know how many enemies there are."

She scoffed. "Reminds me of Ilos."

"Yeah." _That's why I got a bad feeling about this._


	13. Decision

**A/N: Sorry for the small delay. I just came back from a week of camping. **

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I thought it was time to bring some drama/angst in this story. ;)**

**Thanks to those who are following and have favorited this story. Love y'all!**

**Mass Effect and its characters belong to Bioware. They are not mine... unfortunately. :(**

* * *

″Keep going, we're almost there!‟ Shepard yelled.

They ran as fast as they could. Kaidan, Liara, Tali and EDI were right behind the Commander, leading the general and the civilians they managed to rescue to the escape shuttle only a few meters away from them, while Wrex and James were covering their six, shooting shotgun shells and incendiary grenades at the enemies behind them. Garrus was positioned in a nearby collapsed building, eliminating Cerberus personnel with his sniper rifle to help the rescue team's advance to the shuttle.

″Alright, were there! Time to get the hell outta here!‟ Shepard yelled through her comm, signaling Garrus to come back and regroup.

Cortez opened the right side door and two soldiers appeared and helped the general and the civilians into the shuttle while Shepard and her crew covered them. A few minutes later, Garrus arrived and helped the others to try and repel the enemy force.

When the civilians were finally on board, the Normandy's crew slowly climbed on board. ″Hey, hurry up! I won't be able to take much more damage!‟ screamed the pilot.

Shepard, Kaidan, Wrex and Garrus were the only ones left who hadn't boarded the Kodiak yet. They could hear the bullets blazing above their heads as they took cover behind some debris.

″Just like old times, Shepard!‟ said Garrus as he fired his Vindicator assault rifle over his head.

″Could you just stop saying that and keep shooting, please!‟ she answered.

A few moments later, when the fight seemed to have quieted down a little, she said ″Alright, everyone in the Kodiak. _Now_!‟

″Oh shit... Shepard, we've got a problem.‟ said James to the others before they boarded.

When she turned around, she realized what was going on and her face turned pale. She tried to keep her cool, calm façade and kept shooting at the increasing enemy force forming behind them, but Kaidan knew something was wrong just by looking at her.

″What is it?‟ he asked. It took a long time before she answered.

″There's not enough room...‟ Shepard said quietly.

It was so soft that Kaidan could barely hear what she just said, but deep inside, he knew something was _very_ wrong. She stopped shooting and looked at the ground.

″There's not enough room!‟ she repeated, though this time much louder.

″What?!‟ The Cerberus troops were getting closer and closer and there wasn't a lot of time left. Shepard had to make a decision.

″Just go! I'll cover you and I'll find another way out of here afterwards.‟ she said.

There was enough room in the Kodiak for at least four more persons, but Wrex took place for two, if not three.

″No way! I'm staying with you. I'm not leaving you again...‟

Shepard was getting frustrated and the enemy forces were closing in on their position and every second they wasted arguing increased their chances of getting shot. ″I said go! I'll be fine!‟ said the fearless commander.

″The hell you will! Look at what happened when I followed your orders last time. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I won't risk losing you again. Not if I can do something about it!‟

Shepard didn't know what to do. She would rather die saving him then lose him and go through what he's been through when she died. She had no other choice... Kaidan looked at her and pleaded her to let him help even though he already knew what was going to happen.

″Don't do this to me. Not again, please...‟ he whispered. Unfortunately, what he feared most happened: she put her life on the line once again for her team. ″Wrex! Grab Kaidan and get him in the shuttle now!‟ Shepard yelled.

The krogan hesitated for a moment. He looked back and forth between the two Spectres, not knowing what to do, but he finally did as she requested. Garrus watched Shepard in disbelief as the giant alien grabbed Alenko. She simply looked at him and he understood what she wanted without saying it. He covered his two team members - and friends - and kept shooting at the incoming Cerberus force as they made their way to the shuttle.

Kaidan tried to free himself from the krogan, even if he knew it was pointless. The alien was way too strong... and big. But even so, he fought back as hard as he could. He didn't want to leave Shepard alone.

″Shepard!‟ was the only thing he could say, or think about. It's as if he was back on the Normandy three years ago. He could see the ship again, being torn into pieces as the Collectors shot it... and Shepard going to her death sentence. When he came back to reality, the shuttle's door was closed and the Kodiak was starting to get airborne. Kaidan punched the doors and screamed her name. Everyone in the small shuttle looked at him and felt sorry for the panicked soldier. Shepard looked back at him and gave him a sad, but yet reassuring smile. She turned back around just in time to shoot a soldier who was about to fire an RPG at the shuttle. There were now hundreds of troops in front of her, yet she kept fighting as if she could still win this fight… even though she knew she couldn't.


	14. A dangerous plan

**A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter is a little short. College started last week so I'm really busy. The next chapter will be longer... and on time. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.**

**Feedback would be greatly appreciated. :)**

**A big thank you to those still following this story. You guys make me smile and make me want to continue this story even though I'm really busy with other ongoing projects.**

**Mass Effect still belongs to Bioware.**

* * *

The shuttle slowly made its way back to the Normandy, where medics and soldiers were waiting for them. They were there mostly to help the civilians if they needed help or if they were injured, but they were ready for anything. The cargo hold of the Normandy has been transformed into a refugee camp for the civilians they've managed to save on the colony. There wasn't a lot of room and supplies for them on the ship, but there was enough to keep them alive until an Alliance ship would come pick them up.

Kaidan came up with a plan to rescue Shepard while they were waiting to get to their destination. It wasn't the best plan, but a plan nonetheless and honestly, that's all he needed. He would do anything to save Shepard, even if that meant he would die trying.

When the shuttle finally landed in the cargo hold, everyone exited the aircraft and made their way to the group of medics and soldiers. Dr. Chackwas jogged to the shuttle to make sure everyone was accounted for. Kaidan talked to Cortez before exiting the shuttle. TheMajor quickly made his way to the doctor, obviously in a hurry. Confused, the doctor asked ″Kaidan, where's the Commander?‟

″She... uh... she's still planet side. But don't worry, I've got a plan.‟ With that being said, he ran towards two soldiers. They both had their assault rifles in their backs and were discussing the events of their previous mission.

″Man, the Commander is scared of nothin'. I mean, sacrificing yourself like that for people you don't even know, that's heroism right there.‟ said the youngest soldier with a slight Spanish accent.

″Yeah well, that's why she's the one giving the orders around here.‟ said the other one.

″You think she's still alive? ‟

″Hell yeah she is! I heard she took out a Reaper _on foot_ with just an assault rifle on the Collector base. It's gonna take more than Cerberus to take her down.‟

″Damn! I wouldn't want to be a Cerberus soldier right now.‟

The other soldier agreed with a laugh. When they saw the Major making his way to them, they turned toward him and saluted him.

″What are your names, soldiers? ‟ Kaidan asked.

″Private Collins and Dante, sir.‟ Collins answered.

″Were you the soldiers assigned to this mission? ‟ the higher ranked officer asked.

″Yes, sir. We were told to help the civilians board the shuttle and provide covering fire if necessary.‟

″Ok. Then you two come with me. Just take an RPG before we go, we might need it.‟ Kaidan simply said.

The two soldiers looked at each other for a moment before following the Major. Dante grabbed the RPG and joined the two Alliance soldiers in the shuttle. As he regrouped with them, he looked around and saw that they were the only ones returning to the shuttle. The young soldier swallowed hard as the shuttle's doors closed.

Kaidan briefed them on their next mission when the shuttle slowly left the cargo hold and headed into the darkness of space. They were the only ones heading in because the others were all busy helping the medics with the injured or they even got injured themselves.

It was a dangerous mission, but the two privates always liked to be where the action was, and this assignment was going to be anything but boring.


	15. Saving a savior

**A/N: Told you guys I'd post this on time!**

**I thought it was time to bring a lighter mood to this chapter since it's been like DRAMA since the last few chapters. Finally Kaidan gets to save Shepard!**

**I hope you enjoy it and if you have comments or feedback, feel free to share your thoughts. It makes me smile every time I see there is a new comment, good or bad. :) **

**Bioware owns Mass Effect. Bastards. I wish I did. :(**

* * *

Kaidan was pacing back and forth in the small shuttle as it made its way to Shepard's last known position. He was afraid of what he might find when they get down there. He couldn't lose her now. They finally admitted their love for each other. He followed Garrus' advice and invited Shepard to diner on the Citadel. He honestly didn't know how it would turn out, but it was better than anything he could have imagined. He could finally be with the woman he truly loved. He couldn't dream of anything better, except maybe being with her after the war was over. But if she died down there today to protect him, he would never forgive himself.

Kaidan looked out the window and saw nothing but rubble and Cerberus troops infesting the area. The shuttle did a couple of passes above the area but they didn't see anything. He was about to lose all hope when he noticed a bright flash about one kilometer away from them.

Shepard was sitting behind cover, her back to the concrete rubble protecting her. She was firing at a few soldiers that were trying to flank her. A couple of them approached her from the front. They didn't last very long. She kept firing her heavy pistol when suddenly she ran out of heat sinks. _Had to happen someday._ she enemy soldier used the situation to his advantage and fired at her. The bullet passed directly through her weakening shields and entered her chest. Despite the pain, she threw her weapon aside and launched the enemy in front of her with a biotic throw. _Cerberus might be a bunch of heartless pyjaks, but they sure know how to make biotics more powerful._ One after the other, she threw away anyone that got in her way, but after a while she started to lose her vision. _At least Kaidan is safe._ That's when she saw the shuttle land about a hundred feet away from her. Both doors to the shuttle opened and she saw Kaidan rush towards her. _God he's stubborn._

Kaidan ran to Shepard while Dante and Collins were covering them from behind. It was a very dangerous mission, but the two were really enjoying themselves at the moment. Dante was using the RPG while Collins was manning the turret that was installed in the Kodiak.

As soon as Kaidan reached her, he applied medi-gel on her wound and picked her up in his arms. He turned around and was heading back to the shuttle when a Cerberus agent placed himself between them and their transport. Kaidan had no way to defend himself and Dante and Collins had their back to them. The enemy was about to fire when he yelled in pain and fell to the ground. Kaidan looked down and saw Shepard aiming his pistol in front of them. Her hand was shaking in exhaustion and pain. He smiled at her and ran to the shuttle. _Never back down. _As soon as they reached the vessel, he put her down as gently as he could and tapped the two soldiers on the shoulder. They closed the doors and Kaidan ordered Cortez to head back to the Normandy immediately.

He then turned around and kneeled beside Shepard. The medi-gel seemed to be working, because the bleeding slowed down a little. She had still lost a lot of blood though, so he pressed his hand on her chest and applied some pressure on the wound. She looked up at him and asked "Is it bad?"

She was severely wounded, but she'd make it. "Don't worry, you'll be fine." The two young soldiers behind him looked at each other then headed to the small cockpit. They knew they couldn't do anything for the Commander, so they might as well give her and the Major some privacy.

Shepard looked up at Kaidan and put her hand on top of his while the other gently cupped his cheek. He looked at Shepard, the woman he loved, and pulled her tight against his chest. Shepard coughed and said "Hey, don't worry. You said it yourself, I'll be fine."

When he pulled back, his eyes never left hers. "Just stay with me Shepard, we're almost there. Just stay awake, ok?"

Gathering her strength, she pulled him close and kissed him even though it was painful. After she pulled back, she asked "How did I manage to last this long without you?" Her hand was still on his cheek and he put his own hand on top of hers. "I missed you Kaidan. So much." He was about to say something when her hand slowly slid out of his light grasp and fell to the floor as her eyes closed.

"Shepard?" Kaidan quickly brought his ear to her chest to check if she was still alive. He exhaled in relief when he heard the beating of her heart. He looked back at her and gently placed his hand on her cheek just like she did with him. "Shepard?"

After a while, which seemed to last an eternity to him, she finally answered. "What?"

Her eyes didn't open and she didn't move, but at least she responded. "Just making sure you're still with me."

"Don't worry, I'm just getting some rest. I'm not going anywhere."

When they finally left the planet's orbit, he dared to ask "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"You know exactly what I mean. Why did you have to run off like that and almost sacrifice yourself?"

"Because I didn't want you to get hurt."

"And you think _I_ want to see you get hurt?" Shepard opened her eyes and looked at him. "Sierra, I can't take it anymore. You always try to protect everyone but you never let me protect _you_. I want to have a future with you, but I won't be able to if… if you're dead." Shepard then looked at the ground. Kaidan lifted her chin to make her look at him. "Just let me help you. You don't have to fight alone anymore."

"If I say yes, will you stop looking at me like that? You know I can't resist when you do the puppy dog eyes."

"If you say yes I will."

"Alright then. Just don't tell anybody that I accepted this easily, otherwise they might try the puppy dog eyes on me so I buy them a new mod or something."

"Of course. I wouldn't want my girlfriend's reputation to be in jeopardy."

"Girlfriend?" She could see his cheeks reddening as he looked at the floor.

"Did I say that out loud?"

"Yes you did. But don't worry, I kinda like the idea of being your girlfriend."

Kaidan was about to reply when he got interrupted by Cortez. "Sorry to bother you guys, but we're about to reach the Normandy, so get ready to be bombarded with questions Commander."

"Great. And I wanted to get some rest. So much for that."


End file.
